Today I awoke next to my perfect husband, with my perfect son a few rooms away, with my perfect dog asleep on her massive futon, in my perfect home ready to go to my perfect job. Seriously, I love every aspect of my life. This is partly due to the fact that once you’ve been through hell, you appreciate the little things. There was one problem. I had a dream about my ex. I used to dream about ways to escape zombie outbreaks, but lately it is him, which is worse. I am always yelling at him to do something like leave my house or leave me alone or never talk to me again, but he never listens. This morning, I dreamed my company hired him to work with children, and I was yelling at the person who hired him letting them know he’s on the sex offender registry for messing with a 14 year old. No one listened to me, and I was in danger of losing my job. It wasn’t just him that ignored me. The idea has expanded to include other people now. So I began to correlate similar real life experiences.
Before my ex went to jail, he had supervised visits with my son… supervised by me. It was absolutely awful. The last time they met before he went to jail, he wouldn’t leave my house. I finally got him to the doorway when he decided to start accusing me of reporting him because I couldn’t stand to see him happy, blah blah blah (as you all know from previous blogs, that was not that case). My son could hear. I told him one more time to leave. He kept accusing me, so I calmly went to get my gun. Fortunately for him, he must’ve thought I was just walking away from the conversation so he yelled one last statement, “I’ll never give up on Draven! Never!” then slammed the front door. No, I wasn’t going to shoot him, but I was going to let him know I was serious about wanting him gone. Maybe my dream is a replay of that event? My dreams are usually my fears, so it would make sense. By the way, the son he’s never going to give up on… he’s canceled his last two DSS visits sooo it’ll be a month and a half since Draven has seen his “father”.
As far as people not believing me about my ex… I know my coworkers would, but there are people that he has lied to that would probably take up for him. I doubt they’d hire him to work with kids since that would be breaking his parole, but they would be clueless about what he’s done. I already had two teenage boys message me about him. The first was four months after we separated, and he was telling me that my ex wanted me back, and I should give him a shot. I was like… do you know what he did? The kid was like, “he said you cheated on him.” So I straightened out that situation and assured him I would never be returning to my ex. The second boy was the boy he was dating when I reported the molestation of the 14 year-old. I gave the boy the option to discuss everything in person like adults with or without my ex around, but he declined to do so after talking to my ex. hahaha After that, I no longer felt like I needed to warn the boy. The boy would learn for himself, and he had recently turned 18 so I had done everything I needed to and beyond. When I was talking to him, I just kept thinking, “I wish someone had told me the things he had done before I started dating my ex.” So I wanted to give the boy that chance, but he declined. That was his decision, a stupid one, but it was all his. 😉 So no more guilt for me, no more feeling responsible for telling people the truth about him. No more shining light in the darkness. It took me a long time to get to that point, but I’m there. So here’s the confusing part- why am I dreaming about me having to expose him?
Hurtful truth: Some questions are not readily answerable.