Trying to Erase the Past

So it is common sense to wipe every memory of a previous relationship from social media once the relationship ends. That gets a little tricky when it comes to other people’s albums. It’s like, even if you delete the tag, the picture is still in cyber world forever on a friend’s page. And of course, they don’t think to delete it! Today, over four years after my separation from my ex husband, some of those previous pictures popped up on my husband’s feed. I had tagged him in a post with pictures of our puppy, and of course at the bottom it says, “see other pictures of so and so.” This hurt my husband, and he knew he was being silly, but it still hurt him. This is something I totally understand. I have never looked back at his Facebook pictures before me to avoid that pain because let’s face it, I’m a slightly jealous and formerly scorned lady. If I saw something questionable, I would investigate, and it would be a sad cycle just because my previous husband left me thinking, “anyone is capable of anything.” Anyway, I promptly messaged the person who had posted the pictures, and she was happy to remove them. Apparently, a certain phrase had stuck out in my husband’s head. My ex was in his first ever suit and I commented that I told my ex husband I would marry him all over again with that suit. Ouch- shot to the heart. Yes, that would hurt me too. I’m a little relieved that he did feel hurt because I’m the same way and can understand his pain. But still, I wish he didn’t have to see that. My husband stayed home sick today, so of course I brought him chicken noodle soup and a love letter, because we all need reassurance from time to time. So basically, I pointed out that I don’t know if my husband realizes how much of a positive impact he has had in my life. Yeah, I was in a place with my ex at that time where I was trying to forgive him for cheating the second time, and wanted my church family to think we were good. I now feel like what I post on Facebook has no comparison to the love my husband and I have in real life. Before, I was trying to convince others and myself that my ex and I were okay. Now, I feel like I have nothing to prove to anyone. I am freakishly incredibly genuinely happy. Something I never thought possible after what happened with my ex. So the hurtful truth is this: someone may not be your first love, but he or she could certainly be your last. And that is exactly what my husband and I are planning for our marriage.

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