I’ve made so many mistakes, yet here I am, stronger than I ever dreamed I’d be. Even though I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 6 years, I am here now with an amazing capability to love beyond what I thought possible. I have the ability to trust again, which I admit was a struggle at first; but I believe trust is earned, not freely given. Even in my happiness, I realize it can all be stripped away in the blink of an eye, so I cherish every moment, and I’m very aware of the fact that I can never get back every second that passes. I have some things to work on of course- spend more time in prayer, play with my son, actually exercise (lol). I have these conflicting feelings of knowing I would be fine by myself if my husband cheated on me versus this fear of time slipping away and inching closer to death. In one scenario, I take comfort in resting in God’s arms for solace while I have anxiety and fear about death. I think it’s because I struggle with thinking anything could be better than what I have right now. My previous hell has made me so thankful for the people in my life now. We are finally safe, even though my son still struggles with not having his father around. He doesn’t realize the danger he was in. I feel like some of the foster kids I see at work- they’re like whole new kids when they go from a scary situation with their bio parents to a foster family who shows them what being safe and secure feels like. They physically grow (as has my waist lol), they open up emotionally (systems I thought were shut down for life are now back on), and the people around them see the difference (just ask my best friend). I feel like I’m finally here- the person that was buried alive, suffocating, starving, is now free. I give credit for this growth to my amazing husband, who matches me so perfectly and has given me a safe home to flourish. I also credit God because when I finally chose to rely on Him and find my identity in Him, He gave me strength I never thought possible. He wrapped me in his arms and protected me from the storms of life in His wings. In my vulnerability, He gave me strength. I find everything that is inspired by Him to be so much greater than what I can come up with on my own. So this really is a daily walk, a daily surrendering of my desires to His. So here’s to taking one step at a time.
Hurtful Truth: Time flies when you’re having fun.