Does Anyone Else Put Walls Up?

For a long time, I have wondered why I struggle so much with being a mom. It’s definitely not that my child is neglected. He’s rather spoiled if you ask me, more by my family than myself. The issue is this… I struggle with providing “quality time”. It’s like my brain automatically puts whatever else I’m doing as the more important option. For example, he wants me to read to him while he showers. Nope, I’m busy baking a cake for work. He wants me to play video games with him. Sorry, can’t- I’m doing laundry. He wants me to play Nerf war? Let me get this house cleaned first. These are the issues, and it’s something I’ve prayed about. Helping me be a better mom. I’ve prayed it, but it never just happened… until…

I attend/”co-lead” a weekly Celebrate Recovery group, during which I opened up a little bit about feelings of dislike toward my father, and I got teary-eyed, in other words, I was vulnerable, and it was rather uncomfortable. So that day after the meeting, I was more empathetic with my clients. Then, I came home, and basically anything my child asked me to do, I did (when it came to activities together). I didn’t give excuses, I just did them. So, that is my brilliant discovery. Vulnerability in one area of life can spill over into other areas, important areas. So, if you’re like me, and you struggle with putting walls up, always thinking you have to be strong or perfect or whatever, know that the key is vulnerability. It sure as heck isn’t comfortable, but now I know the answer to something I prayed for a long time. I thought you may want to know the magical secret as well. Now, go be vulnerable (at an appropriate time) & see what good can come from it.

Hurtful but honest question: Would you rather live your life numb to all feelings or feeling the good, bad, and the ugly?


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