I dream often. I also often remember my dreams, but most of them I wish I didn’t… this one was beyond anything I ever want to consider happening. If you’re at all squeamish, don’t read this post. Last night, I dreamed I had let my son ride in a car with my ex. We were all going somewhere, and I was driving ahead of them. We pulled over to eat, and the vehicle they were in didn’t show up, so this cop brings a letter my ex had written saying they had been delayed. After waiting a reasonable amount of time, I started to get worried. Somehow, it flashed to me walking through a forest looking for them, and the first thing I found was my ex’s severed head. I remember having no feelings toward his gruesome death; my first thought was, “where is my son?!” Somehow I realized the cop that had given me the letter was a serial killer. I went to his house and… I don’t know of an easy way to put this…found my child’s body parts all over the basement floor. Blood everywhere. I explicitly remember seeing his arm from his elbow down. Fortunately, I’ve forgotten the rest, but I keep flashing to the screams of the little boys in the 2008 version of The Changeling. After taking in the scene, I heard a noise, procured a gun, and chased the cop outside where I shot him multiple times… a lot of times.
Addition: After this dream, I dreamed my mom bought the house I grew up in, so I was sitting there on the stairs with my grandmother telling her about my horror dream. My grandmother is alive, but not totally there mentally. In the dream, she was all there, which was a bright side to the hell endured in the nightmare.
Is it possible to be traumatized by a dream? Now, to add to the uneasy feeling throughout the day, I went to check the mail and had a surprise. Guess who had sent a package addressed to me? The ex. I was pretty freaked out opening it, flashing back to my dream (but I knew my son was no where near him thankfully). But the irony though! To add to the creepiness… it was an external hard drive with “thought you might want these” written on the packaging. I had checked the mail as I was leaving, but whipped right around to see what the hard drive held. It ended up being a bunch of home videos and pictures from way back when, which I already had copies of on my own drive (and he knew this because he put them on a drive so we’d each have our own copy).
I’m really not sure what he’s trying to do… it’s almost like, since he knows I refuse to speak with him now, he’s trying to find ways to get me to break my silence? It’s weird. If he meant it in an offensive way, that’s not how I took it, lol! If he doesn’t want those memories hanging around him, great!! Glad that goes both ways! If he’s trying to remind me of him, sorry… only the bad comes to mind. If he genuinely thought I would want those… bless his heart. lol- On my disk, I deleted most anything with him in it. Unfortunately, I’ll have to do the same with this hard drive… unless someone has a good argument as to why I should keep home videos with the ex in them for my son to have? I think in normal circumstances, that would be okay… buttttttt, when the ex happens to be a pedophile who may or may not have done questionable things around said child, I’m thinking it’s not a good idea. I do hate that for my son, but no regrets for the ex. He made his choices.
I covered a lot of early morning awfulness. Despite those things, I managed to have a good day. I got to see my son play a scrimmage where he actually scored, I saw a client, and I cleaned my mom’s house for her! I can tune the ex stuff out pretty well, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m a little crazy after that dream as it was a bit more morbid than usual. I don’t even have a brain left to come up with a hurtful truth.